Telling your family about an OUI arrest might be one of the hardest conversations you’ll ever have. You’re facing their potential disappointment, anger, or fear while dealing with your own stress and anxiety about the charges. But having this conversation sooner rather than later is important for multiple reasons.
Why You Should Tell Them
Your family will notice something is wrong. You’re not driving, you’re stressed, you’re researching lawyers online, you have court dates. The longer you wait to explain, the more likely they are to imagine scenarios worse than reality.
Family can also be an invaluable source of support during this difficult process. They can help with transportation, accompany you to court dates, assist with legal expenses, and provide emotional support. But they can’t help if they don’t know what’s happening.
Finally, depending on your situation, your family may be directly affected. If you’re the primary driver for household errands, someone needs to step in. If you’re at risk of losing your job, that affects the family finances. They deserve to know about circumstances affecting their lives.
Start with the Facts
The easiest way to begin this conversation is with a straightforward statement of what happened: “I was arrested last weekend and charged with OUI.”
This direct approach prevents misunderstandings. You’re not hedging, minimizing, or trying to spin the situation. You’re simply stating the fact and giving your family an opportunity to process it.
After stating the basic fact, pause. Let them respond. They may have questions, need a moment to absorb the information, or want to express their feelings. Give them that space.
Be Prepared for Different Reactions
People react to difficult news in unpredictable ways. Your spouse might be supportive or angry. Your parents might be disappointed or sympathetic. Your adult children might be shocked or judgmental.
Prepare yourself emotionally for any reaction. Remember that their initial response isn’t necessarily their final response. Someone who reacts angrily might be supportive once they’ve processed the news. Someone who seems disappointed might be more understanding after thinking about it.
Don’t get defensive or argumentative. Let family members express their feelings. Acknowledge that the situation is difficult for everyone, not just for you.
Share Next Steps
Once the initial shock passes, share information about what happens next. If you have a court date scheduled, mention when it is. If you’ve hired an attorney, talk about that decision. If you’re working on getting a hardship license, explain the process.
This information helps family members feel less helpless. Instead of just dealing with bad news, they can understand the path forward. Many people find it comforting to know there’s a plan and concrete steps being taken.
If you don’t yet know the next steps, say so honestly. “I’m meeting with an attorney this week to discuss my options” is a perfectly good answer. You’re not expected to have everything figured out immediately.
Consider Talking to Your Attorney First
There’s value in consulting an attorney before talking to family. Your attorney can explain the legal process, potential outcomes, and realistic timelines. You can then share this information with your family from a more informed position.
An attorney can also help you understand what you should and shouldn’t say. While you want to be honest with your family, there may be details of the case that are better kept private for legal strategy reasons.
Talking to Children
Children present a special challenge. How much you tell them depends on their age and maturity level. Elementary school children need different information than teenagers.
For younger children, keep explanations simple and age-appropriate. “I made a mistake and now I have to go to court. But everything will be okay, and this doesn’t change how much I love you.”
For teenagers, you can be more direct. This might even be an opportunity to discuss the dangers of drinking and driving, using your own situation as a real-world lesson about consequences.
Reassure children of all ages that their daily lives will continue as normally as possible. You’re still their parent, you still love them, and you’re taking steps to resolve the situation.
Kids Notice More Than You Think
Children are perceptive. They sense tension in the household even when adults think they’re hiding it well. When kids don’t know what’s happening, they often imagine scenarios worse than reality.
Not telling children can actually create more anxiety than telling them. They know something is wrong but don’t understand what. This uncertainty can affect their schoolwork, sleep, and relationships with friends.
Age-appropriate honesty is usually better than silence. You don’t have to share every detail, but acknowledging that you’re dealing with a legal matter helps children understand why things might be stressful at home.
Don’t Overload Them
While honesty is important, avoid overwhelming family members with every possible worst-case scenario. “I could go to jail for six months” is different from “The maximum penalty includes jail time, but my attorney says that’s unlikely given the circumstances.”
Share realistic information about what’s likely to happen, not every theoretical possibility. Your attorney can help you understand what outcomes are probable versus merely possible.
Acknowledge the Impact on Others
An OUI charge doesn’t just affect you—it affects everyone in your family. Acknowledge this reality. “I know this is going to make things difficult for all of us for a while, and I’m sorry about that.”
This acknowledgment doesn’t mean dwelling on guilt. It means recognizing that your family members have legitimate concerns about how this situation affects them, and their feelings are valid.
Allow Processing Time
Some family members need time to process the information before they’re ready to be supportive. Don’t force immediate resolution of everyone’s feelings. It’s okay to walk away temporarily and reconvene the conversation later.
“I understand you need some time to think about this. I’m happy to talk more whenever you’re ready” gives people space while keeping communication lines open.
Let Them Help
Many family members want to help but don’t know how. Be specific about what would be useful. “Could you drive me to my court date next Tuesday?” or “I could really use help researching hardship license requirements” gives them concrete ways to contribute.
Accepting help strengthens relationships. It reminds everyone that you’re a family facing this challenge together, not you dealing with a problem alone while they watch.
Remember the Long View
This conversation is difficult, but it’s temporary. Most families navigate OUI charges without permanent damage to relationships. With time, honesty, and effort to minimize the impact on family members, you can get through this.
Focus on handling the situation responsibly, communicating openly, and taking steps to prevent future problems. These actions demonstrate to your family that you’re taking the matter seriously and learning from the experience.
Contact Milligan & Higgins for a free consultation or second opinion. Please send us an email: Intake@milliganhiggins.com or call 781-878-1231.
Click HERE to download our OUI Survival Guide
To post an Amazon Review of our OUI Survival Guide, please scan the QR Code:
